okay so if you were at my birthday party you will be well aware that I have a cow that everyone who went to party signed with brthday wishes. 

 

Now it has been awhile since I've last cuddled a stuffed animal but last night I did so.

It was weird because I started tearing up for no reason whatsoever, at least I'd say so because I honestly don't know...

regardless these past couple of weeks have been sort of stressful and blatantly dramtic.

 

I'll get to the point.  It is basically the fact that I am no longer allowed to complain to anyone about my relationship.  I have lost that priviledge once I decided to get back and try again.  Any issues that arrise I must deal with my own way because my friends have helped me enough.  Regardless of what happens I prefer it this way because it is about time I learn how to deal with my problems and not have anyone else get involved.

I guess in a sense that is what was bothering me last night but it is something that I must and will get used to for my sake at least.

 

-E.P

omfg im so tierd i'm taking a shower now. ugh

i wrote so much and i feel asleep and erased everything.

w.e
today i witnessed my first euthanasia. poorkitty.. i cried a little for him heh.  We were able to get a sameple from the kidneys that were enlarged after she was put to sleep and we figured out she had cancer =[
-  then another cat got neutered and i got to witness the whole procedure and semi-dissect the testes.

anyway i would write more in detail. but i'm tired ugh

mk more on everything starting tomorrow i promise.

plan on seeing stephanie tomorrow.

good night everyone.
and i love you ellie<3
poopyhead.

I'll make this short and perhaps simpler by simply typing what Ann texted to me this morning.

Ann:
"Dont decide things like that yurself. Talk to her about that part, how yu see what balance is to her & c if she agrees. Maybe u dun need 2 break up. But a break
Is in need? There is a diff. I told u b4. If u both like each other try 2 work things out. Instead of running or deciding things on yur own. Okay? Its hard i know
Henry & i have a lot of problems & i dun wanna talk about any of em cuz im scared the solution will be the end of us. But essentially if we both talked about it
& we reach a conclusion 2gether, then its the best ans we came up w & hopefully the best thing 4 us in the end. Yu know? Im sure if u both decide 2 end things
Yu will both def find someone better 4 u. Even if its sad, but yu may also find both of u may not wanna end or find out later. There r a lot of ppl we can get
Along with in this world but if u think Ellies the one no matter wat, why do u give up so easily? ): i still say talk with her again about it&find a ans 2gether
"

here is what i said. prior to Ann's response:
"See the thing is ellie went to like her besty from middle's school little bday dinner late celebration
So she calls me when she was outside her house refusing to go in and we talk and she told me how it didnt feel the same as it used to when they would all be
Together. And so i asked her if that was my fault and well she said yes.
She tells me that she has wanted to find the balance with everything for such a long time and she just didnt do it. After that she didnt want to think
think about It anymore, i told her id help her balance however way i could help. And then i realized something this morning
If and when she gets everything balanced i have to break up with her. Im something that she shouldnt have to add on to the balancing
When she has things balanced i should just step aside because i helped her as best i could."

after Ann:
Thanks Ann. im probably just exaggerating and thinking too much aboutit
.

Don't think too hard.
Poop.